'The cops were called': Karen arrested for accosting customers she mistook for employees, who play along to send her over the edge

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    "They decided to press charges."
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    Font - Posted by u/Moist_Quality2225 Not even in Hol XL So, I'm 61 years old, retired, and I live alone. By virtue of being 61 and retired, the garden where I used to grow my F%$&s has been paved over. So, one summer's day, I'm at my local mall looking for a coffee pot. I broke my old one.
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    Font - Now, I am wearing a spotty Folk Festival tshirt, camo shorts, and naked feet in Birkenstocks. Very managerial. Lol. So, I'm in some shop or another looking at the coffee pots. I hear raised voices a couple of aisles over. A woman's voice screaming words like "lazy", and "you rode brat", etc. A quiet male voice was trying to be heard and failing dismally.
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    Font - So, I go to the aisle. As I round the corner, I see a young guy in his mid teens, very well appointed in his summer clothes, with an anorexic gorgon screaming into his face. Then she upped with her hand and slapped the kid in the face! As he stood there in shock, manfully not crying, she sees me and comes charging over, grabs me by the arm and drags me to the kid, yelling something about "fired" and "lazy" "you're his manager" and other nonsense I didn't pay attention to.
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    Font - In the midst of the tirade, I turned to Young Guy, winked and mouthed "Play along". You see, I've been listening to these things for a while, and I've got a response ready. Oh, please let her give me a cue. And she does! She goes on and on about shop workers lying about not working there because they're lazy, etc. Jackpot! So I say "Ma'am, do shop workers often lie to you to avoid serving you?"
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    Font - Her: "All the time! Kids are so lazy today!" (That was the gist of it, but there was more screaming and spit) Me: Ma'am, I don't think that's laziness. I think it's because you're such and arrogant, ignorant b$%h, the Devil himself wouldn't have you in HOI! When you put your two feet to the floor in the morning, the Devil says "Oh God, she's up!"
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    Font - She looks like she's the one who got slapped. For the minute, she says nothing. I turn to the kid, smile and say "And now we enjoy the show." She starts buzzing around the lights! There's screaming, spit flying, things getting thrown off shelves, the whole nine yards. Me and the kid had to dodge a few flying objects. I just kept encouraging the kid (and Diet Medusa's tantrum) by making comments like "oooooh! Good one!" And "Missus isn't much of a pitcher, is she?" Did I mention that my F-
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    Font - By this time, a manager and a couple of security guards have arrived, and she has worked herself into a total lather. Well, ok, I helped, but she did most of the work herself. There is nothing sensible coming out of her at this point, just screeches and spit. I tell them what I saw, and the kid confirmed it and fills in the rest. How she had thought he worked there, wouldn't believe that he didn't, and had slapped him. Off we went to see the security footage.
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    Font - So the cops were called, she was fitted for steel bracelets, and I encouraged the kid to call his parents. They decided to press charges. I found out later that she was sent for a psych eval and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of months. And I got to feel all "supportive of a younger brother". We guys gotta have each other's backs.
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    Font - gaudrhin 8 hr. ago Anorexic Gorgon and Diet Medusa might be some of the best decriptors I've seen for someone like these. Two words each time, and I can see her. Nicely done! 224 Reply Share
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    Rectangle - BethMD 7 hr. ago Clearly, OP has a background in mythology. 38 Reply Share Cyc685 hr. ago Well in this story he's clearly god-like in his powers. 16 Reply Share
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    Font - Otherwise-Topic-1791 8 hr. ago WOW! Good for you! My F@#$s garden is currently being paved over. I hope I remember this for a loooong time. 63 Reply Share ●●●
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    Font - Jaded-Researcher2610 8 hr. ago the garden where I used to grow my F%$&s has been paved over Gold! :D also, good on you for helping fellow human being besting the beast, you are a hero :) 40 Reply Share ●●●
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    Font - x_vvitch 8 hr. ago You can cuss here, it is okay. You don't need to censor yourself. Reply Share 26 Equivalent-Salary357 · 8 hr. ago Personally, I like the self censorship. Not sure why, LOL. 20 Reply Share
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    Rectangle - Kcidobor 7 hr. ago Psych ward for a couple of months?! Prorevenge. Power play Reply Share 20 InternationalPie2696 5 hr. ago ● 3 ●●● How about psych ward period for life! Reply Share
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    Font - Mart-of-Azeroth 7 hr. ago . I, too, am 61(F) and retired. Unfortunately, the garden in which I grow my F@#$%s is thriving and will not die off despite my attempts. I'm non- confrontational to a fault. It's an actual issue. That said, I have dreams of being able to do something like this to those people. Kudos to you, sir! Reply Share 15
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    Font - Sufficiently_Blitzed · 7 hr. ago ● I haven't made it past the "garden of f***s" bit and I'm already doubled over 4⁹ 9 Reply Share
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    Font - Severe_Assignment943 · 4 hr. ago . You are my hero for "anorexic gorgon." Also, as someone who writes for a living and thus frequently finds myself cringing at how poorly written most posts here tend to be, I thank you for writing something so entertaining and literate. 5 Reply Share ●●●
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    Font - WebMaka 6 hr. ago "And now we enjoy the show" followed by her going apoplectic made me giggle. 4↓ 44 Reply Share
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    Font - jerseygirl75 4 hr. ago I've been saying, "Behold! For my garden of Fxs is barren, therefore I no longer have fu to give" You, O.P., are amazing. I hope you won't be mad, but I'll be stealing that paved bit! Also, good on ya! 3 Reply Share
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    Font - the_sister_grimm 4 hr. ago ● I spent an embarrassingly long time trying to figure out what you were so secretive about growing that it required censoring the plant name. 3 Reply Share
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    Font - Shoddy_Information33 I'm in my 40s and still very much employed and my garden is already paved over ee Reply Share 3 2 hr. ago ·

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